i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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