i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
