It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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