i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
