Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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