the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
