Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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