1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
