I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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