I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
