Define "chronic" masturbator.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
