Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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