i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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