WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
