One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
