Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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