mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
