Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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