alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
