I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Actions speak louder than pants.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
