the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
