PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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