i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
