meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
