my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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