Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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