I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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