I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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