Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
