I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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