So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
