Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
