I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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