i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
