This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
