We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
