I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
