Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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