It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
