I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
