The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
