She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
