No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
