I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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