Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
