it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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