She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
