Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
