You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
