Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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