the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
