can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
