I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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