i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
