The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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